The Comic Critic Reviews "Die You Zombie Bastards!"

Die You Zombie Bastards! is a great title for a movie. It lures you with the promise of a wholesale massacre of zombies. Woe be unto you, you hapless soul, if you saw this movie without first reading a description of it. Even the one I read gave me some hope:
“Red, a serial killer and cannibal, battles against an evil bent on filling the world with Zombies.”

But to be honest, I was already enticed by the title alone. For my pains, I was rewarded with a cruel, visual bludgeoning of this campy farce. At every turn, it tried to overact, over-ham, over-gross, over-digest, or otherwise to leave its audience with an icky feeling: they would be better off without their eyeballs. It was bad for the sake of being bad, awful for the sake of being awful, and it somehow made full-frontal nudity an eyesore of a memory.

General moviegoers might be under the impression that zombie movie fans have a higher tolerance for awful plots and terrible dialog, all for the sake of watching some gore on the screen. But that’s not the case. We can be as deeply disappointed as the next guy when we are served up a heaping portion of swill.

Yet, even after watching this tragedy, I still want to buy a t-shirt with the film title emblazoned on the chest. And I can’t get that accursed theme song out of my head.

The Return of Stickman #1041

I've always been a fan of country fairs and largest pumpkin contests and the like. I wonder where the ribbon for this one will go.

The Return of Stickman #1040

Our men in blue see a lot of stuff that nobody should have to see.

The Return of Stickman #1039

Check out my Night of the Lepus movie review. The funny part was the stampede footage was obviously lifted from a much older generic cowboy movie. But, the movie did show what a threat giant bunnies pose to the world.

The Return of Stickman #1038

Just why didn't they report how much rabbit scat was involved? Just what poses a threat, the amount of rabbit scat, or the radioactivity?

The Return of Stickman #1036

It was pointed out to me that I might have missed a number in the sequence. Oops. Well, at least the story for this week is still in sequence. Honest, this IS the plan the government came up with for the radioactive planet poop.

The Return of Stickman #1037 and The Comic Critic Reviews Zombieland

I saw this film with Elliot Trotter and several of his friends. Elliot is a co-founder of The Cartoonists’ League of Absurd Washingtonians, otherwise known as The CLAW. I’d hoped some fellow members of CLAW would also be able to make it, but it was just the small group of us. After the film, as we waited through the credits to see what sort of surprise might have been tacked on, we had the following discussion:

“So? What rating are you going to give it?” Elliot asked.
“I’m going to give it a seven,” I responded.
“What?! Only a seven?!”
“Okay, maybe I will push it to an eight because of the (insert spoiler here).”
“No. Really? Tell me what you thought was wrong with that film.”
“I can tell you what’s wrong with you.”
“Oh?”
“You have movie afterglow.”
“Ha ha ha ha ha,” We both laughed, “Ha ha ha.”
“So, you’re telling me that movie is a ten?” I asked.
“Well…” Elliot hedged.
“Tell me what rating you would give it.”
“I’ll have to think about it.”
There was a tack-on after the credits and we watched it.
“Ha ha ha ha ha,” We both laughed, “Ha ha ha.”



Radioactive rabbit scat. How come I'm the only cartoonist drawing about this? It's pure..um..gold?